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Post by buck on Sept 9, 2014 22:14:36 GMT -5
Figured I would go ahead and get my discussion topic up
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Post by buck on Oct 28, 2014 12:11:35 GMT -5
Ultimate Batman #1 is up. Hope you guys enjoy.
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Post by The MRP! on Oct 29, 2014 3:29:45 GMT -5
Overall a solid start. Good use of in medias res to get the ball rolling. From an editing viewpoint, I do have a few quibbles-a lot of sentences, especially in the opening scenes of Bruce and Batman had phrases and clauses running together that needed punctuation to separate them, usually missing commas. It may seem minor, but punctuation slows or speeds up he way you read a sentence, and mistakes mess with your pacing., The missing commas sped up the read making it move too fast before the action showed up then the shorter sentences ending in periods caused it to slow down during the action, which is kind of the opposite effect you want when pacing talking heads moving towards action.
There was also some issues with possessives used in conjunction with what should have been plural nouns affecting your subject-verb agreement, the result was a few sentences read awkwardly.
The last scene in the van in the tunnel was a little unclear-I was a bit uncertain what "kid" Batman was supposed to consider saving as an option rather than going after the robbers.
Also a little unclear on the Falcone situation, which blunted the effectiveness of that final scene for me. He was public enemy number one, and Dent went after him with a week case then Bats got involved, so Falcone left. But what was his status-was he a fugitive? Had he beat the rap and gotten charges dropped? Was he convicted and now free after serving time? Not knowing that and meant his return and announcing he was running for mayor lacked context how Gotham should have reacted to it. We know he was responsible for the death of Elliot because you told us so, but does Gotham at large know this? Is he still wanted in conjunction with that murder? If so, how is he returning to run for mayor without getting arrested? If not, why is Vicki sickened by his announcement? If he was cleared was it a technicality thing? A lack of evidence. The announcement should have been a payoff for what you set up in the opening scene, but that lack of the piece of the puzzle blunted the effectiveness of that payoff for me.
I like the tone and set up of the series. It seems like it is going to be a lot of fun to read, and should hold my interest, but as I pointed out, I did have some qualms. Look forward to issue #2.
-M
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Post by Jackalope on Nov 20, 2014 1:35:13 GMT -5
A wild Batman appears!
Good first issue. I like that you've skipped the origins and are working with an established Batman. I can tell you have a lot of things planned for the series from the set up in this issue. I thought the final scene was good, but lke MRP mentioned perhaps a little more context might've hightened the impact. Jim Corrigan randomly shows up in a line with Crispus Allen- not sure if that's supposed to happen? You gave an effective portrayal of Batman in action, along with all of his gadgets and gear, which was great. Keep it up.
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Post by buck on Nov 20, 2014 1:55:17 GMT -5
Yeah jumping through the origin was a decision I gambled with a bit, but it opened the door for better storyline opportunities. The context will be coming for that final scene in the next couple of issues. One of the disadvantages of starting ahead of the origin is I have o flesh out things like that as I go. The Jim Corrigan there is not the Spectre Corrigan. He is from one of most beloved series of all-time Gotham Central. He and Crispus have a bit of a history that will be seen in my Batman.
Glad you enjoyed the issue.
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Post by hawksmoor on Nov 21, 2014 17:20:33 GMT -5
I did write up a long response, and then, like a massive idiot, hit the wrong X. Sorry.
So, I did, or I think I did, say when reviewing MRP, I was always told "Don't start with the weather" so...don't do that.
My mine gripe, really, is a lack of description. You're leaning on the crutch that we all know who everyone else. Bruce and Harvey get no descriptions, the Robbers get nothing beyond suits and masks. What masks? The Batmobile is refered to, but I don't know if it's Adam West Batmobile, Nolan, or comic?
That said, I liked the scenes without Batman...so, the scene with Crispus and the scene with Gordon, Barbara, I enjoyed more than the Bat scenes, but I've made it clear before...I am not Batfan. Gotham Central? Yes, yes. Bat..No so much.
But keep it up. More description though, please.
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Post by buck on Nov 22, 2014 2:10:41 GMT -5
Descriptive writing has always been one of my biggest weaknesses, but I will continue to work on that in future issues.If you are a Gotham Central fan you will enjoy what I have planned.
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Post by Wachter on Dec 12, 2014 3:09:00 GMT -5
Ultimate Batman #1: Mob City Review
As always, one of the problems when coming in late to a review is that everyone has beat you to what's been said so I'll suppose I'll just add a bit to what's been said and say my feelings on it. The opening scene felt a pinch week. Lots of exposition but that's all fine and good, just nothing really resonated. I don't know if the Elliot House is his former home and that's where it's being held or a building named in his honor. I like the starting in the middle though... Really don't need another Batman Origin unless there is a major change. You are relying too much on preconceived notions of the readers for appearances which could come back to bite you in the ass if they use those assumptions on other things. To continue, not sure where the kid came from at the end of the chase scene either...
I enjoyed the Father/Daughter bonding. Bits were clunky but hey, that's parenting.
Murder scene was nicely done. I think the comment about Corrigan is more along the lines that he came out of nowhere. Not that he was the Spectre. It read as a name drop in the middle of players that hadn't even showed up on stage yet.
As for the final scene... I'll agree with MRP's review of that but give you a silver lining, I could hear John Doman's voice while reading it. Not sure if that's because of your writing or the actor's voice yet it happened. I could imagine him saying those things.
Ultimate Batman #2: Friend or Foe Review
Bruce? Bruce. Bruce. Bruce! Bruce? Bruce?! Bruce... Oh, Bruce.
There isn't much to say about the second issue other than to explain the above comment. On the other hand, I'll start with some of the good first. I'm liking the slow reveal of what's happened in Gotham. That final scene between Batman and Jim was marvelous. I can't fault a man for doing that especially since so few in the comic world do put their family first beyond "I MUST HIDE BEHIND THE MASK TO PROTECT MY LOVED ONES!" It's nice that the first thing he does upon returning is contact Batman.
The Croc introduction was gruesome just with the description of the dead body.
Now for BRUCE!
I don't know what the hell was going on in the Harvey/Bruce scene because every line was "Something, Harvey." or "Bruce, blah blah blah." You don't need to repeat the names, especially when it's just two people speaking to each other. We as readers can usually work that out. If we can't, that's because you failed in your duty as the writer to make it clear. Now for the other scene where that's involved... Red Hood Gang, love it... Leslie using Bruce's name and Bruce saying Alfred's? He's in full Batman regalia. However friendly they are, names should not be said. Especially with a potential leak bleeding to death around them. That's a level of paranoia that should be had that you later establish in the Gordon scene but ignore it completely at the clinic.
Some of your threads are coming together for what's happened yet at the same time, it's completely ignored the setup of the GCPD in the first issue and is just giving more current events or explaining the current events.
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Post by hawksmoor on Dec 12, 2014 4:13:43 GMT -5
So, #2!
Leslie Thompson. Unsung hero of the Batman universe, and in my own personal vision of Batman films, is the impossibly hot Helen Mirren...ANYWAY.
So...whats the deal with her making casual conversation with Batman while some kid bleeds to death from being shot. This to me is not the time for casual conversation.
Man, Gotham is in a state isn't it? Part of my interest in Urban fantasy and comics, especially DC, is the character that the cities get. DC seems to put an awful lot of focus onto Gotham, and Metropolis, as opposite sides of the coin. Gotham's clearly had the chair knocked out from under it, but what really happened? I'd like to learn more, and obviously, you're going to drip that to us...so it's good. Mysteries are good.
I see what Wachter means though. Repetition of the name is really very odd and slightly wearing. I know previously, I was confused by who was speaking, but when it was just the two characters? A name check once would be enough.
Oh man, that Croc introduction? That's nice, man. I'm not hugely familiar with Croc, but my only exposures to him have been as a horrible arse of a character, so having the sympathy on his side is a bit of a new experience for me, and something I am enjoying.
Also, Gordon is quickly becoming cooler than Batman (I was going to say that wasn't I?) It makes you wonder what this dynamic trio were planning and doing to cause a rift between Batman and Gordon. Now the tables have turned and I want to see Gordon really turn the screws on Batman...mostly because that'd be awesome.
Another good issue, but this one was better than the first. I think you'll continue to find your feet, as will we all.
Looking forward to #3
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Post by buck on Dec 15, 2014 22:15:07 GMT -5
Hawksmoor
Just a note on the Leslie and Bruce conversation, I intended for them to be working as they talked, but I didn't reflect that enough in the writing. And I will continue to reveal the history of Gotham and dynamic trio as the story unfolds. It makes for a nice challenge for me as I have to balance revealing the past while also remaining focused on the current ongoing events.
Also, I knew you would enjoy Jim. He's a really complex character to write and I'm doing my best to do all of his different layers justice. Glad that you are enjoying.
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Post by C_Miller on Dec 16, 2014 0:11:05 GMT -5
I really enjoyed this issue.
I tried to do Batman at least twice and I had a lot of trouble with it. Batman is hard to do when he's not playing off of people and you have done a good job solving that. All of the scenes where he's talking with someone else are really well done. I thought that in the scene with Leslie, he was a bit too conversational. Perhaps it's that he was a bit more Bruce Wayne than Batman, but I didn't really pick up on that at the beginning of the scene.
The scene that really elevates this issue is the final scene with Gordon and it's juxtaposition with the scene with Harvey. The group who set out to save Gotham was four people, but in reality one of those people was actually two people. Both Bruce Wayne and Batman were and are out there doing two different things. That was portrayed well in these scenes. You truly get the idea of the stakes and the failings/successes of the group.
Ultimately, I really think you're owning the concept of en media res. I think that's because you're doing it both ways. You started at a very clear beginning, but it is clearly in the middle of the story. One of my favorite things is that you keep peeling back the layers to see more of what had happened. While there are a lot of questions, there has never been a point where I can't go on because I don't know something. It's a thrill to learn new things every issue.
Keep it up, man!
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